Making Time for Self-Care as a New Mom

You've just left the hospital, holding a beautiful, brand-new baby. You can't help but smile as you gaze down at your precious little package. But now that you're leaving the care of the hospital staff, or your midwife, you realize you have no idea what's next!

The first week after giving birth is both magical and difficult, but nothing you can't handle! Each week that follows brings new challenges and blessings. Your experience won’t be exactly like everyone else’s, but rest assured, you are not alone in your journey.

Just remember to be gentle with yourself. Your sleep isn’t ideal, your independence has all but disappeared, and your body is changing. It’s okay to feel low sometimes. Be gentle with your feelings. Take your mental health seriously. Your experience is real and valid. Remember that you have needs, too. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. I had a hard time asking for help because I believed I should be able to handle everything on my own. Next time I will be much more accepting of assistance!

Here are some tips to help you cope with these changes:

• Just breathe. Practicing deep, mindful breaths is an excellent way to calm your mind and body. Be patient. It will get better, I promise!
• Be grateful. Keep a simple gratitude journal that you update each night.
• Look outside yourself. Who do you know who may be struggling more than you? What can you do to help them?
• Talk with someone. Speak with a loved one, a doctor, a counselor, etc. Sometimes just writing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences or saying them out loud can shed a new positive light on things.
• Make time for yourself. I know this is hard when your little one needs you 24/7. But if you can even take a few minutes to read, color, take a warm bath, or just lay down and breathe while he/she is sleeping, it can do wonders for your mental health!

Making Time for Self-Care

I didn’t experience postpartum depression with my infant, but I honestly believe I experienced it when I first assumed full-time care for my stepdaughter. Suddenly, I was thrust from complete independence to complete responsibility for another little human being. She was in kindergarten at the time, so you would think that I’d be just fine with the hours she was away from home. But it was still hard.

The first time she was home for two weeks straight was Christmas break. And I completely lost it. Nonstop caring for her needs, being there for her emotionally, answering her questions, playing with her, and focusing all my attention on her was a lot to take on all at once. Where before I enjoyed at least my mental space, now everything I had was going to her.

I remember waking up each morning with the most horrible sense of dread. I couldn’t stand the thought of enduring yet another day. I knew this one would be just as hard as the last. And the worst part? I did not have the option to stop, take a breather, and take a different route. My child would have needs, regardless of my mental state.

I have always wanted to be a mom. As a teenager, I imagined myself playing with my future kids, teaching them, loving them, and always being there for them. I just assumed that once the time came, I would find all my joy in them. I wouldn’t need anything else.

Turns out, having a baby, or adopting, or marrying someone with children is a huge change. We don’t have the option to take on the new responsibility gradually. Of course, we love our kids, and we love spending time with them, but our minds and bodies are not always ready for the change!

You Don’t Have to Do It All on Your Own

I continued to struggle as a new parent until I allowed myself to believe that I had needs, too. Initially, I honestly believed that I could and should be doing everything myself. Afterall, I was a mom, so I should be able to take on the full weight of parenthood. It was my duty.

However, the reality is that our needs do not disappear after we have a child. Our minds and bodies still require care if we are to be fully present for our families. Neglecting our needs only makes it harder to care for the needs of others.

Have you ever been on an airplane? What instructions do they give you regarding oxygen masks?

Put on your oxygen mask before attempting to help someone with theirs.

Why? Because if you don’t put your mask on, and you run out of oxygen, you ain’t helping nobody

The same thing applies to motherhood! If you are not taking care of your needs, you cannot take care of anyone else’s needs either! It simply doesn’t work.

For me, one of the most basic needs to address was taking time for myself. My physical health was pretty good, but my mental health was crumbling.

During that challenging Christmas break, my spouse saw the struggle and encouraged me to take a break. While he was with his daughter, I had a moment to think about my needs. A simple walk around the neighborhood was so therapeutic and needed.

So how do I ease the transition?

A few months into motherhood, I started working on some of my hobbies again. I finished up a book I’d been writing, I added to my blog, I started learning videography and film editing. And suddenly, each time I woke up in the morning, I was excited to meet the new day! No longer did I dread the coming routine. Instead, I couldn’t wait to get started! I knew there was so much to do, so much to learn, so many new things to try.

My family is 100% my priority, and I love spending time with them. Taking a moment each day to learn something new or do something I love breathes life back into me that I can share with them!

Whatever your interests are, take some time to write them down. Include anything that helps you relax and feel great. Here are some suggestions:

• Take a warm bath with your favorite bath salts and music.
• Snuggle up under your favorite blanket and read a good book.
• Go for a drive.
• Go for a walk around the neighborhood or a local park.
• Peruse your favorite craft store for inspiration.
• Learn a new skill on YouTube.
• Make a craft for your baby.
• Make a fun craft with your older kids.
• Write in your journal. Or write your thoughts and feelings on a paper that you can tear up or burn (surprisingly therapeutic!).
• Join a group yoga class or other exercise class.
• Color, draw, or paint.
• Make a paper mâché piñata.

You may find that many of the things you enjoy can be done for or with your family. Personal development and learning can be highly therapeutic. It gives you an immediate sense of accomplishment.

Find Joy in the Small Wins

Parenting often yields slow, long-term rewards because the growth of your child and your relationships is gradual. Sometimes it’s nice to work on a project where the outcomes are within your control. For example, if you are making a quilt, it is easy to see the project progress. Each time you sew a new piece on, the quilt grows. You have control over how quickly it grows and get to learn along the way.

In reality, parenting isn’t much different. Though the long-term outcomes of our efforts are largely out of our control, we can find joy and satisfaction in the short-term wins. For example, watching your baby smile for the first time is incredibly rewarding and makes all the sleepless nights inconsequential. And then her first laugh, and her first step, and her first words. It all fills you up with joy and love for your little one!

If you have older children, you know that focusing on these small wins is vital during the tougher teaching moments. When your child is learning to read, it may feel painfully slow at first. You may wonder if your child is learning as fast as other children. But focusing on the fact that he is not yet reading chapter books only increases his and your sense of discouragement.

However, every time he learns a new word or sound combination, that’s a small win! It doesn’t matter how quickly he learns new sounds. What matters is that he is learning!

Tougher yet is teaching unmeasurable skills such as patience, listening, and honesty. It can be incredibly difficult to notice the small steps your child is making towards healthier habits and attitudes. But do your best to notice them none-the-less.

In this stage, don’t forget to take time for yourself. Taking time to do something you love can help you relax and have more emotional energy to be present with your children. Your children need you more than anything else right now. They have big emotions, too, and will watch how you handle yours. If you take the time to breathe, re-collect yourself, and take breaks, your kids will learn healthy and positive ways to handle big feelings.

No journey is perfect, and every child is different. We all have different needs, but we all share the need to be loved. I know you love your baby, your kids, and your family more than words can express. Don’t forget to love yourself!