A Yogi Journey - Closing the Door to Ascension and Welcoming the Now

I used to use my Yoga practice to transcend my experience. And it worked, for a while.

You see, I first found the practice of Yoga in my University days - I was anxious and overwhelmed, and Yoga presented itself to me in the form of 15 and 20 minute videos on YouTube, courtesy of Yoga With Adriene (who I still practice with on the online mat to this day).

But my Yoga practice became just that - something with which I heavily identified. As I grew spiritually, and my relationships expanded, I was confronted with unhealed trauma that I had no idea was a part of my story. I had no idea because I needed to do the mental health work first. I needed to release the attachment to my sense of self as a moody, anxious teenager, become a woman in my early 20s obsessed with self development and personal growth, and I needed to be thrust into the depths of my own unhealed wounds in order to realise what this practice would really mean for me in years to come.

This post isn't about the trauma that I went through to be here speaking as I am, with you, Soul-to-Soul, today. It's an ode to the version of me who desperately needed Yoga to take her beyond herself and into other realms. It's an ode to the version of me who longed to feel connected in her body, to her Soul, when her actions and life circumstances seemed so far removed from that Truth she knew deep down, but didn't know how to access. It's an ode to the version of me who craved a clutch to take her from this world into another. And I am so grateful that that came in the form of Yoga.

But as I come off of a late-night practice, feeling rested and at ease in my body, and equally elated, buzzing with energy that I know will embed itself into my cells as they regenerate overnight, I am met with the eye-opening realisation that this is what my Yoga practice has lead me to. Yoga is no longer an experience of transcension; it's a visit into the depth of the Present Moment so profund, that it feels like I am entering into a space beyond, when, really, I am just exploring the vastness of the Eternal Now. My Yoga practice comes to me so that I can get off of my mat and dance, feeling the lightness of my hips move in time to the music playing in my head; so that I can witness the joy accessible in each and every in-between; so that I can see colours that had faded into a single shade. This practice is a reminder. It is a return. It is the act of taking my glasses off, putting them to the side and stepping aside, into my body and into Union with my breath, in order to return and find them dusted, polished and clear.

Yoga fills my Heart up to the brim; I witness myself using words like "my" when referring to the pertinence of the Practice in my Life and I laugh with humility, knowing that my Human brain cannot conceive a life of non-attachment, and that is perfectly okay, because "my" Awareness supersedes the attempts of my Human nature. And so I can live in tandem with the two; in the midst of it all. In the knowledge that Yoga is bringing me into the gaps of unbridled Joy that lie in the vast openness of each moment. Knowing that the laughter I feel bubbling within me is never-ending, and that my mind can wonder eternally about the perplexities of this Human Experience, while I live it fully - dancing, laughing, being, making and being a pure embodiment of Eternal Love - knowing that I don't have to transcend it at all.

In other words, this is what My Yoga Practice has always been for.

Love, blessings and light, Claudia.