I Bought a Red Dress

One day, I bought a red dress. I loved it so much that I wanted to share it with everyone! I wore it to work and with friends, I kept asking for everyone’s opinion, I wanted them all to love it as much as I did. Unfortunately, not everyone liked my red dress. Some didn’t say anything at all, some said it was “ok” some even said it didn’t look good on me. What? How dare they!?! I LOVE this dress, are they blind? How dare they not like my dress, who do they think they are, anyway? They’re mean, they’re stupid, they’re dumb. Obviously, my dress is amazing.

I came home from work after getting almost no validation or compliments and I threw the dress into the closet, far away from me. Stupid dress, it’s all its fault. People didn’t think I looked good in it so it’s obviously the dress, it’s not me. Or is it? Is it me? Why do I care so much about what people think about my dress? When I bought it, I loved it so much, I was so happy and confident in it. But this dress betrayed me. Or did it? The dress didn’t ask me to buy it, put it on or love it. It was just there, on a rack, minding its own business, waiting for someone to buy it and love it.

So, what is it? Is it me? It must be me. Why do I do this, why do I seek approval and when I don’t get it, I attack those who didn’t give it to me and myself? Why do I do this to myself? It’s not the dress, it’s not the people (who I realize do not owe me anything at all and are entitled to their own opinion.) It’s me, it’s my lack of self, isn’t it? It’s me trying to “collect” validation, like a hobby. Some people collect baseball cards, and some people collect validation. Why does one need to collect validations? Why does one need other people’s approval and validation? When does one stop collecting validations? Is there a stop sign on the way that says, “Stop, you’ve arrived?” How does one know when to stop? This sound so exhausting. Just writing about it is so taxing, yuck.

Are you a collector too?